Mr. Tim




Silence in Another Light

Aaaahhh….the Holidays. The stores are stocked with everything to make the usual Thanksgiving Dinner, and of course they already have Christmas lights up also. I feel like I’m in some freaky turkey and wrapping paper limbo, in between my present and my past. My parents divorced when I was an adult. Actually my mom and my stepdad divorced when I was adult, after 28 years together.  Each of them have moved on with their life and are doing very well. I think I’m still working through the loss, especially around “The Holidays.”  It just doesn’t feel like a holiday to celebrate. That sounds horrible, I know. The house that I grew up in was the one that every holiday was spent in. When I had my kids, we went to the house. It was always, “The House.” Every year I knew what to around this time. The same silly conversations, and talking about past holidays. It became a tradition. Those traditions are no longer there and I think that would be ok with me because  I realize that life changes, and people change and divorce happens. I get that. It would be easier to move forward if the past was just acknowledged. When it ended, it ended. No more talking about it, or discussing past memories, any good times, any holidays. I have asked, “Hey, you remember when_________.” SILENCE. NO RESPONSE. Like nothing good ever happened in all of those 28 years. It’s not like I’m saying, “Hey, remember when you both__________.” No. It’s more like, “Remember when you and I___________.” Silence. Like it never happened. Sigh. Wiped clean. silence-is-mountain-lions So I have all of these memories that are usually shared each year until now. The simple answer would be, “Make new ones.”  Yes, and that’s happening now that I’m married and we have a life together, but when you’re used to doing something for almost 28 years and your parents are usually included, then it stops, it’s harder than one thinks, to regroup and come to the realization that those times are never coming back, nor can they be spoken of again. Most times I love silence. Hell, I live on an island, I HAVE to love silence or I would go insane. Maybe I need to find a way to change my feelings about it when turkey time rolls around. It feels more like “Mourning Time.” Time to let it go….. Featured image